I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's never too late to be topless.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
