I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Damn victory sex feels great
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
