almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
