I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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