Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
