It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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