i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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