I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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