Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
