You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize