Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I intend to get homeless drunk
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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