So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
