I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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