I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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