apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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