I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
