She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
