So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
