I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
