i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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