Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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