Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize