I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
