As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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