I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
