jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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