hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
