I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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