Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize