Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
