Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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