I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
