I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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