Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
