I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
