We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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