U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize