I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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