If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize