just tell him i said nine months
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
