apparently the secret to your success is patron
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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