May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
