I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
