Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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