She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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