Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
