Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize