Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
