my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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