i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
