why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
