You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
