chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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