Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
