Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
