God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize