Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
