did you get engaged???
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
