there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize