we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
