I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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