we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
