sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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