dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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