Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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