My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize