im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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