....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
