Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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